Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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