You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up under a house in Key West
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
