how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
