can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
