i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
