the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
