You smell like a Billy Joel song
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
