We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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