Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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