He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
