College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
home. puking in laundry basket.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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