i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My bed smells like the plague
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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