Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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