Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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