I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
