The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish I only lived at night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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