dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
