4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
