Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
