The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
