i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
