I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
