Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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