the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
