Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
