I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
