i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
