I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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