if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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