Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
