How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
