There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
