Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
