i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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