mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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