im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
