question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
