they need to just BURY HIM!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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