this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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