i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
