i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
