You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
