Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
