So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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