My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
