in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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