I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
