Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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