The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
