So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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