if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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