That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Your cock deserves a montage
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
