he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
