so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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