my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
